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Trip Report: First Time Smoking Weed – Critical Orange Punch

Critical Orange Punch trip report

I’ve always been more of a whiskey and cigars kind of guy, but cannabis was recently legalized in my state for recreational use. I’ve been into trying new things lately; I write for a living, and it makes for new material. I’ve learned how to do a handstand, tried my hand at baking bread, and am working on my Spanish. But at 42, I’ve never smoked marijuana before. It simply never interested me until recently. So, I decided to write a trip report about my first time smoking weed. 

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I head out after my wife and I have had our morning coffee, and park at the dispensary I always pass on my drive to the office. After filling out some paperwork, I check out the massive supply of weed in glass jars, pre-dosed chocolates on display, and a whole bunch of other stuff I can’t identify. I get to chatting with the assistant working there and decide I want to smoke weed the good old-fashioned way. Obviously, being a complete amateur to smoking weed, I don’t have a pipe and don’t know how to roll a joint. The ‘budtender’ (as they now call them) shows me a variety of pre-rolled joints, and after hearing more about marijuana than I’ve ever heard in my life, I decide on a two-pack of the strain called Critical Orange Punch. It sounds perfect by the way she describes it: citrusy flavors and aromas combined with an uplifting, ecstatic high. The woman helping me is wonderful; she answers every question I have and even throws in a pot brownie since I’m a first-time customer. 

Critical Orange Punch smoke report

The Setting: At Home With My Loved One

Once I get home, I lay out the plan to my wife. She already knew I was going to give a try, of course, but I’m excited and couldn’t help chatting about it over lunch. “The strain is Critical Orange Punch from Dutch Passion. It’s a hybrid with 26% THC,” I tell my wife, suddenly the expert on weed after one visit to the dispensary and a bit of Googling. She thinks this is hilarious instead of impressive knowledge and tells me that it’s about time I had my mid-life crisis – at least I just bought some weed instead of a sports car. 

4.00 PM: Taking A First Puff Of Critical Orange Puff

Now, to the most exciting part of my smoke report. I decide to get started early in the day since I want to be at least somewhat functional for work tomorrow. I sit down at the counter in the kitchen with my tools laid out in front of me: joint, lighter, shot glass as a makeshift ashtray. The lighter clicks as I light up the end of the joint and inhale. Probably too big of a hit, because I immediately start coughing. 

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4.05pm: After my coughing fit passes, I take smaller hits, like sipping from a hot cup of tea. The smoke is pretty harsh on my throat, and I start coughing again. I can only focus on my throat burning and tickling, and I chug the glass of water my wife sets down for me. Only that’s not enough, so I get up myself, slightly dizzy, and lumber over to the fridge to drink some orange juice straight from the carton. I sit back down, close my eyes, and feel an intense buzzing all over my body but mostly in my head, chest, and fingers. When I open my eyes again, my wife has set a tub of ice cream in front of me. She’s the best. I savor the creaminess of it, letting it hit the back of my throat. The coughing subsides.

4.25pm: Yeah, I’m definitely high. I still feel the buzzing all over my body, as well as a certain numbness in my face and extremities. It’s like the first few millimeters of skin are numb, relaxed. I also feel like my mind is dancing; I have a hard time staying focused on a single thought for too long, and everything is interesting to look at. I’m getting lost in the swirls of my wife’s rainbow-colored shirt. I look up at her with a smile on my face, and we both start laughing for no reason. 

4.45pm: I had set the joint down after my last coughing hit, and there’s still more than half left to be smoked. It sounds fun to light it back up and take a few more puffs. I take a hit and hold it out to my wife. “There’s more than enough for both of us!” She hesitates and starts to shake her head. I smile at her, saying, “It’s really fun, you should try just a little bit and see if you like it!” My excitement seems to convince her, and she takes the joint from me, takes a drag, coughs a bit. We pass the joint back and forth a few more times.

5.00pm-6.15pm: We’re cuddled up on the couch, giggling about everything and nothing. My wife puts on some music and we sit back, letting ourselves be engulfed by the melodies. It’s almost like the songs are converted into swirling colors when I close my eyes. It feels like my thoughts are flying around my brain. 

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6.15pm: At this point, the most intense feelings of the high have leveled out. My wife felt some discomfort in her chest at first, almost like she couldn’t take a full breath, but that passed pretty quickly. My body has stopped buzzing and feels more like a light numbness that’s very pleasant. We’re still listening to some tunes and have been having silly conversations about things like what it would feel like to be a bird, and what if we switched bodies like in Freaky Friday. It’s lovely to be with her. 

Trip report Critical Orange Punch

6.20pm: Our wedding song starts playing. I feel suddenly energized by the familiar melody and am overwhelmed with love for my beautiful wife. I stand up and hold my hand out to her. She takes it and I pull her close. We start to dance. She lays her head on my shoulder, and I close my eyes and get lost in the moment. 

8.00pm: I  kind of lost track of time and just enjoyed my wife’s presence. The past few hours have been amazing, euphoric, cerebral. It was truly a lovely experience and I’m so glad I got to share it with her. Critical Orange Punch was definitely the right choice of strain to review for my first time trying weed. Next time, we’ll have to try that free pot brownie from the dispensary!

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